Home All Posts ‘I’m Going To Poo In My Spiderman Onesie.’ Power Battles With A 5 Year Old.

‘I’m Going To Poo In My Spiderman Onesie.’ Power Battles With A 5 Year Old.

by theparentingjungle
61 comments

Who else has power battles with their children?

It was bedtime, no actually it was 45 minutes past bedtime and Leo and I were in a Wild West type standoff. No firearms, just the imminent threat of poo. In short, he needed the toilet, would he go to the toilet? No, because the seat was colder that he would prefer it to be. A better mummy would have sweetly got a hairdryer and warmed the toilet seat up straight away. I, being tired after a long day marvelled at my sons ridiculousness, got down to his level and calmly said, ‘darling if you need a number 2 it is important you go or you will hurt your tummy.’

Then put my hand on the toilet seat just to demonstrate he was talking utter crap.

He crossed his arms resolutely. ‘No it’s cold.’

I then decided this must be one of his many ploys to not go to sleep, like, ‘mummy my duck is speaking to me’, or ‘my socks are on backwards’, or ‘there is a monster dog called Harold in my cupboard’.

A little bubble of mummy frustration was brewing, I was desperate for some peaceful adult time where I could stare at the wall with a cup of tea. Gently I picked him up, carried him to bed and whispered, ‘Ok if that is your choice darling, it is bedtime’.

Screaming erupted. It is surprising how someone so small can make such an outrageous noise.

Thank god our house is detached.

Writhing and complaining he needed a poo I tucked him in and sung his favourite lullaby…again. I backed out of the room and went and sat on my bed, waiting, knowing, resigned that tonight was going to be a battle. For two minutes there was no sound, then came the creak of his  bed accompanied by Leo pitched growling. He stomped to the landing and shouted, ‘but I need a poo!’. Like it was my fault. Poo guilt. I dragon breathed through my nose, ‘then take yourself to the toilet love and then go back to bed. You are a big clever boy you can do that.’

NOOOO its cold, I won’t, I am going to stand here and poo in my Spiderman onesie.’

The kid had me cornered. I felt terrible that if I put him back in bed he may be lying there desperate for the toilet, so I did not want him to put him back under the covers. I also did not want to have to change the darn covers at half eight at night. ‘Come on I will come to the toilet with you.’ No that didn’t work either so I just put him on the toilet. All hell broke loose, he shouted at me like I had done something unforgivable. Time to problem solve. I then held him above the toilet. The response… ‘Noo mummy I cannot poo like that!!!!!’

He had sucked me in, power game ahoy. I just wanted him to poo and sleep. He wanted me to warm up the toilet and win. We were both cross at each other. It went on for at least 15 minutes, me reasoning gently with him spiralled into me half shouting half pleading. Almost crying because all he needed to do was just poo and he would be happy. Sometime in this I pulled my trousers down and sat on the toilet for about 5 minutes to warm up the seat. Nope, not good enough. FFS.

Photo of a Spiderman action figure sitting my a note that says, this might end badly.

Spiderman-toy

I then left him in the bathroom as I knew I was giving him too much negative attention. Angry sobbing came from upstairs as I hid, head in my hands on the bottom step. Politely I called up and suggested he hold himself above the toilet. By this point his need to go overcame his stubbornness and he did it.

‘I POOED ON MY HAND AND IT IS YOUR FAULT.’

Then I heard a bit of a splash and his panicked sound. I vaulted the stairs two at a time. He had got himself stuck in the toilet and was crying. I picked him up, washed the poo off his hand and gave him a cuddle. ‘Good boy, great pooing,’ I said with mock cheer. He gave me a death scowl. I tucked him in bed and he was asleep in two minutes.

Spiderman was relieved this altercation ended well. What type of ridiculous arguments do you have with your children and how to you manage this behaviour?

You may also like

61 comments

The flasher stage: advanced level potty training… – fizzyjazzle 13th September 2016 - 10:05 am

[…] once I have something to challenge one of my favourite posts by The Parenting Jungle, just click here for a chuckle! Standing up to pee? Oh my goodness, the fun continues! I caught him stood over […]

Reply
Best of the Blab#2 - blabbermama 26th July 2016 - 10:05 am

[…] avid fan of Jade’s blog, her posts always catch my eye on my twitter feed, Spiderman onesies [here], book reviews, Mummy style and much more her blog has something to sit down with a cup of tea and […]

Reply
Announcing The Stay Classy Mama Award Winners – Admissions Of A Working Mother 14th July 2016 - 5:43 am

[…] WINNER: Jade – The Parenting Jungle – Mummy I Am Going To Poo In My Spiderman Onesie […]

Reply
The Stay Classy Mama Awards – Admissions Of A Working Mother 29th June 2016 - 11:05 am

[…] THE PARENTING JUNGLE:   MUMMY I AM GOING TO POO IN MY SPIDERMAN ONESIE […]

Reply
Stay Classy Mama Link Party 23-06 – Admissions Of A Working Mother 23rd June 2016 - 6:08 am

[…] THE PARENTING JUNGLE:   MUMMY I AM GOING TO POO IN MY SPIDERMAN ONESIE […]

Reply
Morgan Prince 3rd June 2016 - 9:59 am

Oh hun what a struggle! I remember those times and although it’s tough at the time things do get easier… at least until they hit the tween stage! 🙂

Reply
theparentingjungle 5th June 2016 - 7:56 am

Thank you for the lovely comment 🙂 Tween stage…hides under the bed..I think that may be the age he goes to live with nanny…x

Reply
An imperfect mum (Catie) 9th May 2016 - 5:40 am

I hope you grabbed something stronger than a cuppa after that?! You deserve an award of some kind for sitting on the loo to warm it!

Reply
tigwalker83 6th May 2016 - 11:39 am

I found this hilarious and I have been in a very similair situation before but no poo involed! The wild west stand off where you dont want to give in and be seen to be weakbut you want the bloody confrontation to end quick! #stayclassy

Reply
theparentingjungle 7th May 2016 - 4:20 pm

I am grateful poo is not involved in your case! Haha that’s exactly it..sometimes I am just like..fine have what you want..but I am remembering this when you are 18!x

Reply
agentspitback 5th May 2016 - 12:24 pm

Oh boy, have I had these many battles too! There’s usually lots of crying and begging, mostly mine and then I give up in utter defeat. They test our boundaries and I am a chicken. I hear poo and I go desperately crazy! Good luck to you! Hope this never happens ever again. Thanks for making me laugh and sign with sympathy with me and for linking with #PasstheSauce

Reply
theparentingjungle 5th May 2016 - 4:50 pm

Hey beauty lovely to have you comment again, I said I would try and make you laugh!xxx

Reply
absolutely prabulous 5th May 2016 - 11:34 am

Oops #passthesauce too!

Reply
absolutely prabulous 5th May 2016 - 11:32 am

I’m loving the title of this blog post! I have to admire your tenacity and staying power. I do not possess such skills. There again none of my kids have threatened to poo in a onesie. Possibly because they don’t possess any? Their mother however has a onesie she bought in the kids’ department at Next! So far she’s managed not to poo init but has wee’d on the flipping sleeve. Sorry about the oh so late comment. #StayClassy #BigPinkLink

Reply
theparentingjungle 5th May 2016 - 4:45 pm

Haha well don’t you go threatening to poo in yours.. they are tricky things to navigate! Thank you for commenting my lovely x

Reply
Stay Classy Link Party 05-05 – Admissions Of A Working Mother 5th May 2016 - 5:32 am

[…] My favourite post from last week came from Jade over at The Parenting Jungle, her five year old shouting at her ‘I POOED ON MY HAND AND IT IS YOUR FAULT.’ – had me in stitches! Here’s the link  MUMMY. I am going to poo in my Spiderman onesie […]

Reply
Sassy 3rd May 2016 - 4:46 pm

Haha children and their stand-offs! You didn’t tell us the bit where he pooed on his own ?? xxx hand

Reply
Annette 3rd May 2016 - 12:47 pm

Hahaha! *trying hard not to actually laugh out loud in the middle of our ultra quiet office (mid lunch). I am sorry, but how hilarious is that! I feel your pain about bedtime excuses. We get this Monday – Wednesday night (makes no sense being specific days). All you can do is keep going 🙂 I applaud you for not giving in, especially with poo being involved :-p Best post I have read today! #Passthesauce xx

Reply
Dopey Mama 2nd May 2016 - 8:10 pm

Not so long ago this post would have horrified me…a whole post about pooh? leaving a child crying in a bathroom? whaaaat???? I am now totally on board. In fact, I’m in awe of your handling of the situation. I couldn’t be more impressed if I was the spiderman onsie myself.

Reply
theparentingjungle 3rd May 2016 - 2:50 am

Yup I would never have dedicated a whole conversation to poo before..haha its a risky business being a superhero themed onesie..thanks for a fab comment xx

Reply
Mummy in a TuTu (@mummyinatutu) 2nd May 2016 - 5:38 am

Oh bless you hun. I really enjoyed the live feed but I do feel sorry for you. Im glad he went to bed eventually… FYI poop on his hand not your fault lol
#stayclassy

Reply
theparentingjungle 2nd May 2016 - 8:56 am

Lol I totally didn’t poo on his hand..never..that would be weird. Lovely to have you over Tute’s ( that’s my new pet name for you..said like Toots..) 😉 xx

Reply
The Big Pink Link | This Mum's Life 1st May 2016 - 7:00 pm

[…] second of my featured posts comes from The Parenting Jungle with the post Mummy, I’m going to poo in my Spiderman onesie. The title speaks for itself! A brilliantly told, hilarious tale of woe, that we can all relate to […]

Reply
Life with monster child 1st May 2016 - 5:35 pm

I feel so guilty that I laughed at this! How did you keep a straight face? A heated toilet seat does sound amazing, if you find one let us know.

#StayClassy

Reply
theparentingjungle 2nd May 2016 - 8:48 am

My face I think was stuck in ‘whatthehell?!’Haha I will def let you know..I may have to cover my toilet seat in those hand warmers and see if that works…knowing him it will be too hot!!x

Reply
Sarah Aslett @ Admissions Of A Working Mother 1st May 2016 - 7:43 am

I pooed on my hand and its your fault – hilarious! Great post, I feel bad for laughing but it is very funny. Thank his he went straight to sleep afterwards! #stayclassy

Reply
theparentingjungle 1st May 2016 - 12:00 pm

Thank you for a lovely comment, don’t feel bad we need to laugh at these situations or we cry!xx

Reply
The Mum Project 30th April 2016 - 7:24 pm

Hahah I am laughing and slightly tearing up because this is so funny! I just told my partner your story and he giggled as well. What we have to look forward to! Sorry I know it probably wasn’t funny at the time but hopefully it’s funny now. I can just imagine the stand off in the hallway and him yelling “I’m going to poo in my Spider-Man onsie!” Thanks so much for sharing with #StayClassy!

Reply
theparentingjungle 30th April 2016 - 8:03 pm

I was so frustrated at the time, I asked my neighbour today if she could hear us..thankfully she couldn’t. The great thing about blogging is that you can share this after, laugh and it relieves the tension!!I will also look back on this story and show little man!xx

Reply
Silly Mummy 30th April 2016 - 12:22 am

Haha! Oh good grief – what I have to look forward to in years to come! I thought toddlers were difficult! #bigpinklink

Reply
theparentingjungle 30th April 2016 - 6:15 am

Haha they are all difficult in their own wonderful unique ways..lol 5 year olds have toddler obstinate but with better vocabulary!!x

Reply
justsayingmum 29th April 2016 - 6:34 pm

aww this is so funny – I read it in-between gasping and jaw hitting the floor and lots of noooooooo! Can’t believe you don’t warm the seat with a hairdryer to be honest – call yourself a mother – unbelievable!! very funny post lovely #stayclassy

Reply
theparentingjungle 29th April 2016 - 7:19 pm

I will trade you one of your screen loving teens for my obstinate son!! Thank you for reading honey xx

Reply
elituesbay 29th April 2016 - 4:25 pm

I won’t complain any more that my daughter asks me to say the words “relax, just let it go” in a sweet still voice EVERY time she needs a number 2! Haha.. Good thing he didn’t poo on his clothes! Lucky Spider-Man 😉 X

Reply
theparentingjungle 29th April 2016 - 7:18 pm

That is a fantastic comment, what a sweety…hopefully she will stop that by the time she is 18!!xxx

Reply
ljdove23 28th April 2016 - 1:39 pm

Oh no! This really made me laugh! The stubbornness knows no bounds!! He looks like SUCH a character, if it’s any consolation my kids are exactly the same!!! #stayclassy

Reply
theparentingjungle 28th April 2016 - 5:46 pm

Haha it is a consolation, I worry that mine is just a nightmare and everyone else has little angels..I love him dearly lol, poo and all xx

Reply
twotinyhands 28th April 2016 - 12:46 pm

Oh dear, but what about the ‘mummy my duck is speaking to me’? Surely there is another story there? Glad he slept in the end!

Reply
theparentingjungle 28th April 2016 - 5:45 pm

Yes….that we need to throw the frigging duck away!! 😉 xx

Reply
mumzilla 27th April 2016 - 8:06 pm

Classic!!! I loved that you sat on the loo and he still turned his nose up haha #chucklemums

Reply
Alan aka omgitsagirl2015 27th April 2016 - 11:12 am

Ha it’s amazing the things they get into power struggles over.
You could have had a heated toilet seat and I bet he would have found something else to give him a reason not to poo.

Thankfully three children in and I’ve not had this standoff yet.

Although there is one more to go and she is a brazen little thing, so there could be threats of pooing in princess onsies in my future.

Reply
Petite Pudding 27th April 2016 - 6:08 am

Argh least he got there in the end, there is no way Pie would have done he would have pooped in his bed! I did have to chuckle when pooped on his hand and fell in the loo, gotta love being a mum right?! #chucklemums

Reply
turningupindevon 26th April 2016 - 8:01 pm

Laughed out loud to “Mummy i poo-ed on my hand and it’s your fault” – everything is our fault!!! I put everything down to tiredness now, tiredness gives my kids the complete unreasonables! The Spiderman onesie salutes you! X

Reply
This Mum's Life 26th April 2016 - 1:18 pm

Oh my goodness, I felt every inch of your frustration!!!! It was hilarious, and a brilliant read, but I’d imagine absolutely 100% not funny at the time!! Neither of mine are toilet trained, but we have similar power struggles at bedtime with the eldest-the bath is too hot/cold/not deep enough, or his toothbrush has too much/too little toothpaste, or its burning his mouth(??) and I usually go along with it all, because I just want him to go the heck to sleep!!!!! If I don’t, he seems to have the ability to scream for infinity, and I do believe it’d go on for ever…!!!! Like you, I find the best way is to turn these events into a comedy blog post!!
Thanks for bringing to #bigpinklink!

Reply
Fran @ Whinge Whinge Wine 26th April 2016 - 12:44 pm

Bahaha Mr Leo is going to love this when he’s older! I love me a log blog. Thanks for linking #chucklemums

Reply
The Pramshed 26th April 2016 - 11:50 am

Absolutely hilarious Jade! Such a funny read, I would have felt exactly the same as you. Claire X #bigpinklink

Reply
Nadine (@caringchaos) 26th April 2016 - 10:38 am

Oooooooo M LOOOORDYYY I am laughing and crying! Jeeezee I feel like I need to send you a virtual bottle of wine and chocolates as you handled that like a champ! This is a great poo story I have a few but way too scared to share lol great post. My fav today lol xx #bigpinklink

Reply
theparentingjungle 26th April 2016 - 11:08 am

Haha thank you lovely, believe my by the end I was like should I have just kindly warmed it up to begin with..but I was like nooo I am taking a mummy stand. Go on share the poo stories..its a safe sharing place 😉 xxx

Reply
Laura: Adventures with J 26th April 2016 - 10:44 am

I can’t stop laughing!! My whole body is shaking ? this mylust have been so infruriating but as a tale to share purely hilarious! X

Reply
theparentingjungle 26th April 2016 - 11:09 am

It wasn’t till I was talking about it on Whatsapp that I realised this is my life and its funny, being a parent is hilarious and gross at times xxx

Reply
whitecamellias 26th April 2016 - 9:27 am

OMG Jade! I go through stuff lime that all the time with my 3 year old! Problem is I’m as stubborn as he is – sounds like you are too 🙂 #bigpinklink

Reply
theparentingjungle 26th April 2016 - 10:20 am

Haha thank god I feel bad when I am like no, I am not going to let him get away with this..I am the mummy. I like that you are a stubborn mummy too!x

Reply
busyirishmammyblog 26th April 2016 - 8:55 am

Haha, this made me laugh, great story #chucklmums

Reply
Captain Poo Pants Chronicles 26th April 2016 - 8:47 am

Haha I could hardly not click on this one with a title like that. Making the most of the time whilst my son just poos himself when he wants to.

Reply
theparentingjungle 26th April 2016 - 10:18 am

What is it with boys and poo..sigh….haha thank you for the comment lovely! x

Reply
Squirmy Popple 25th April 2016 - 6:59 pm

What a great title for a post! I’m glad it all ended well – well, as well as a poo-related standoff could end, anyway. 🙂

Reply
theparentingjungle 25th April 2016 - 8:27 pm

Haha thanks honey I thought I had better turn it into a post!Though I have just seen spelling errors….curses…x

Reply
islandliving365 25th April 2016 - 3:00 pm

Oh this made me laugh, I know it wasn’t funny at the time but you write about it brilliantly. Really made me chuckle 🙂

Reply
islandliving365 25th April 2016 - 3:01 pm

Whoops #bigpinklink

Reply
letyourlightshinemummy 25th April 2016 - 12:22 pm

This made me laugh, they can be so stubborn. Our oldest son wet his bed on purpose because he wanted to wear some spiderman dry nights that we had lurking about, instead of his boring old plain coloured pants! Great post x

Reply
theparentingjungle 25th April 2016 - 1:01 pm

Haha they are so adorable and frustrating at the same time. I am buying a heated toilet seat..if they even exist!x

Reply

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Accept

%d bloggers like this: