Home All Posts Why A 5 Year Old Does Not Listen. Explained By A 5 Year Old #Kidsreasoning #Littleslogic

Why A 5 Year Old Does Not Listen. Explained By A 5 Year Old #Kidsreasoning #Littleslogic

by Author: Jade Lloyd

Welcome to the fascinating world of children’s reasoning…

Scattered across the internet realm are oodles of hilarious tales of children not behaving. Licking the neighbour’s car, drawing on the walls with yoghurt and permanent marker, biting things they shouldn’t bite. These are dutifully partnered with a plethora of behaviour strategies and suggestions that desperate parents are using.

Mainly involving stickers and desperation!

Being the proud owner of a rather contrary five year old I am always fascinated by his reasoning of WHY he misbehaves. It is difficult to parent a little that is cleverer than you. I find it really frustrating and exhausting when I ask him to say, carry his plate the table and he ignores me. WHY WONT THEY LISTEN?

Baby pulling a grumpy face wearing a brown knitted hat

As soon as I saw this look I knew my boy was strong willed!

Any other parents in this boat?

You get to the point where you start to doubt yourself and ponder if your child has a hearing problem. My boy is a shining example of a selective hearing. ‘Turn the TV off now darling,’ may be repeated, three times, then Mummy reverts to counting to five in her strict voice.

Which all parents know is the sternest and most threatening thing an adult can do.

1……2…..3…..If you get to five Armageddon WILL ha9ppen.   

BUT you ask if he wants to go to the park? Quicker than a flash he will have his shoes on (the right feet) and be standing in front of you with an endearing smile, ‘Yes please Mummy.’

Little boy about two with long blonde hair frowning at the camera

and this…

You momentarily wonder if your child has been possessed by a Carebear.

It would be a LIE if I said I don’t get angry. Because I do. When met with blatant defiance i.e. when my child needs to poo but on principle he won’t go (See Mummy I am going to poo in my Spiderman Onesie) the obstinate child in me thinks I need to win and gets in an uber huff. I am an advocate of good manners and respect and try to instil these in my son through modelling… Also kids should bloody well do what their parentals tell them. Its circle of life stuff, when they have children they can be the commander of their littles (I as granny can feed them sweets at 9pm). We all have our roles.

 BUT THEN, they start asking why?

The fact my boy is asking why is either a trait of a thoughtful, questioning character OR I have created a monster that challenges authority. He may grow up to be a radical.

In a gentle yet firm voice Mummy asked, ‘Leo darling, its tidy up time, please put your cars away so Mummy won’t step on them in the night (when you wake up 600 times).’ Little cub looks at me with a face of utter incredulousness, ‘No.’

DRAGON BREATH. Get down to his level, ‘Mummy can help you but you got the toys out and the rule is we tidy up our things at the end of the day.’

A half whingey half upset little voice replied, ‘But I like my cars out. Why can’t you listen to me? Why do I have to just do what you say? You said fair means treating people the same! YOU ARE NOT BEING FAIR’.

A little boy wearing a cookie monster top and shouting

and this one…

It was like a scene of Kevin and Perry. If Kevin was five and a politician with a good grasp of semantics.

This situation required counting to ten in Mummy’s head. Could I use the age old BECAUSE I AM THE ADULT retort? But I could not discount his infallible logic. I want a child that respects me but applying his scarily accurate understanding of fairness, I was not respecting him.  Mummy felt half proud, half flabbergasted.

This is a catch 22 moment Mummy’s and Daddy’s.

I decided to be Switzerland. Little cub needs to respect his toys and what Mummy asks of him as growing up believing he can just do what he wants will likely lead to incarceration. But I also want him to know that I listen to his feelings, that they are valid too.

The response?

I asked little boy if  likes it when I come into his room when he calls (yells) me at night. Then added, what happens if I could not get in? Or it might hurt Mummy to step on the cars etc.

Together we went to my room where the laundry pile was a technicolour mountain. It was patiently explained that Mummy didn’t find the idea of putting it away fun. But if she just did what she wanted and watched reruns of bake off with wine (I did not include that bit) we would be going to school and work tomorrow in out pants.

That he would not be able to watch Storytime on CBBC from Mummy’s bed.

So I listened to why he does not want to do things, as that is fair. Back to the original request of tidying the cars away. Little cub explained that he felt too tired to tidy up. Mummy acknowledged his feelings and the validity of this statement. Then informed him kindly that to avoid this he could go to bed fifteen minutes earlier tomorrow.

He tidied up his cars. Quickly.

I understand some parents are reading this thinking Christ I would have just made the boy tidy up. Admittedly this narrative was tiring and I often do just reiterate what I have asked no-nonsense. But it is also good to talk with our children, to acknowledge their little selves, opinions and intellect.

Mummy learnt some patience and some more about her little cub. Like I need to start saving for university now.


That said. Mummy is not bloody well doing the laundry. It’s not FAIR.

3 Little Buttons

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Kiri 26th September 2016 - 10:46 am

Ha my 5 year old is a right little madam at the moment. Sometimes she will be super helpful, other times I will ask her to put one thing away and you would think I’d just asked her for the moon. She just looks at me like I’m stupid and refuses to do as she is asked. When I try to reason with her she says I don’t even know why you are talking about this mummy. And we get the whole “it’s not faaaaair” a lot!

Jade 28th September 2016 - 9:58 am

They get a serious load of attitude at five…and they are smart. Its terrifying! x

Rainbowsaretoobeautiful 20th September 2016 - 5:00 pm

It’s not fair all the time in our house! #dreamteam

Stevie 20th September 2016 - 12:33 pm

My niece is 4 and never listens to me.

Fancy 19th September 2016 - 6:14 pm

Mine will be five within 18 months of each other…I might need a bunker ?

Alice Soule 18th September 2016 - 6:23 am

Ahh yes, strong willed and intelligent children. Our 7 year old daughter is this and so, it is beginning to appear, is our 14 month old daughter. I still don’t know the best way to deal with this sort of attitude and often I question whether Elsa is actually 13 rather than 7, it’s scary. A xx

Jade 20th September 2016 - 10:14 am

I understand what you mean, sometimes I feel overwhelmed when Leo is at his most stubborn. They seem so grown up at times and I feel at a loss! I think we just have to stick too xxx

Fizzyjazzle 16th September 2016 - 7:00 pm

Oh my goodness you’ve spawned a very intelligent little monster that’s going to twist you into thinking about your answers 100% of the time! Uh oh!
What a sensible (logically) and grown up a swerve gave, I am mightily impressed! Good luck!

Jade 20th September 2016 - 10:28 am

Haha thank you lovely, I admit sometimes I do not think about a clever answer! I just want to hide under a bed…xx

MMT 16th September 2016 - 6:47 pm

I think that you make a great point – I might just try this approach with my 4 year old tomorrow!
Thanks so much for linking up to #coolmumclub

RachelSwirl 16th September 2016 - 4:38 pm

Parenting is a tough job, I think you are doing just fine x

groovydadad 15th September 2016 - 9:24 pm

All so true. Hate to be the bearer of bad news but it doesn’t get any better.

Emma T 15th September 2016 - 1:28 pm

Lol. This could be my 5 year old too. He’s all about the fairness and why nots. It is tiring, and I end up talking and explaining why a lot longer than really should be necessary. I think eventually he just does a lot of stuff because he gets bored of my talking. Or he eventually remembers that he might get a sticker if he negotiates well enough, which could eventually mean a new toy (to leave out in the middle of the floor).

Eric 15th September 2016 - 12:17 pm

I can relate to this all too well. Our 5 year is usually good to help clean up. Unless he’s helping his big brother (9). Big brother HATES to clean with a passion. He’d rather sit and stare at the mess for 2 hours than spend 15 minutes cleaning it. It’s happened before. I try to reason with him, but sometimes I just have to pull rank and use the “because I’m the dad and I said so.”


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