Home Spotlight On...Editors Choice Do You Like Your Child Today? #Honestparenting

Do You Like Your Child Today? #Honestparenting

by Author: Jade Lloyd
88 comments

A mother’s love is forever. A mother’s like is for….sometimes?! I am a normal, run of the mill, thirty year old mum. And, I dislike my child today. It is a brave thing to acknowledge, and, if we are honest, is a confession many of us can relate to as we stagger down the parenting road.

My son pinched another child in school. Sitting with a heavy heart in the too-small classroom chair I talked to his disappointed teachers. It is the second time this week. We are talking with him about using his words to speak instead of his hands. When we got home I asked him to sit with me and write a ‘sorry letter’. To give him time to process and reflect. To offer a positive way to move forwards. (In my youth I would have been put in the shed.) Sadly I don’t have a shed.

Diving to the floor my little boy screamed his opposition. Threw his snack at me. There is bread roll stuck on the ceiling. Check out our cleaning tips for family homes

He is hard to like right now.

Obviously I recognized he was angry (the snarling gave it away). Time for mummy to model good behaviour.  I got down to his level (noticed I need to clean the floor) and in a calm voice asked him to get up. Avoiding detailing the lengthy narrative with an irrational five year old let’s just say Mummy was firm and patient. She cross-breathed through her nose. Mummy deserves a large glass of wine.

My son chose to lay on the floor hysterical for 40 minutes and I left him to it.

Can we put children on eBay?

Whispering ‘I don’t like my child’ on the phone to my mother the words barely formed on my tongue. Lack of sleep and the constancy of parenthood can wear you down emotionally. Guilt settled heavily on my shoulders. This may not sound appropriately sunshine and rainbows. Or very parental. But I was taught not to tell lies, and this lie would do he, and I, no good.

Is it just me?

Do I hear the quietly spoken accusation, ‘If you were a good mother your child wouldn’t behave like this and you wouldn’t feel this way?’

I AM a good mother, I am just not a perfect mother. She is fiction.

No family is ‘happily ever after’ every minute of the day. Do you like your littles when they don’t listen, draw on the walls, flush your I phone down the toilet and scream at you?

Is it the child we don’t like or their behaviour? I look down and my hysterical, snot covered offspring. It is hard to tell right now. I stop and sigh. He is not evil, not the devil incarnate. Do I like what he is doing right now? Hell no. But I am his mother, it is my responsibility to manage this behaviour. To manage my response and my feelings.

So I put four Jaffa cakes in my mouth in one go and secretly comfort eat in the cupboard. TAKE A DEEP BREATH. Avoid comparing your child to other children. That sweet little girl from next door, she bites and eats potpourri.

Parenting is imperfection, joy, sorrow and a thousand feelings in-between.

Finding the ‘like’.

Our kids are not always hideous (sometimes they are asleep). They are sometimes frustrated, anxious, going through one of the many cognitive, emotional or social developmental spikes. They may really REALLY want that bowl of ice cream you selfishly won’t give them.

Children are also very perceptive. Don’t tell them they are ‘naughty’, because naughty is how he will see themselves and that little label will shape them. Don’t lie unless it is a good lie. Our littles, with their fragile, complex, superhero caped self-esteem need to know and feel that we like and love them. Even when we want to leave them on the bus.

Your child does not have to like YOU every minute.

A little voice shouts from downstairs, ‘I am getting attacked by zombies.’ The little shuffle shuffle of feet find their way upstairs and a blotchy red eyed little boy says, ‘I am ready to say sorry.’

Gently I take his hand and lead him downstairs, praising him.

This is sometime out of a day, it is not all day every day. If you are struggling to positively connect with your child. Or do not like parenting, for you and little’s wellbeing, talk to someone. It’s ok.

Later I crawled next to my boy in his little bed as he slept. Gathered him in my arms and whispered, ‘I love you’. Two little arms held me back. We both needed stolen moment in the half-light.

Love is more powerful than like.

I will love him for always.

I like him some days.

If you enjoyed this post why don’t you check out Nighttime With Kids. ‘Mummy I’m Going To Poo In My Onesie.’ AGAIN!

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88 comments

occupation:(m)other 31st March 2017 - 8:39 pm

You wrote this when i was in my post baby lockdown and so i’ve only just seen it now while perusing your site…oh my Jade I LOVE this post. That is all. And it’s not my concussed state talking either, I don’t think I’m concussed fyi.All the love for this, really x

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Catherine Green 26th January 2017 - 10:57 am

This post brought a tear to my eye! I know exactly how you feel, and before now I have explained to my daughter that I love her, but that I do not like her current behaviour. She in turn has said the same to me. In fact, this week we are veering between me being a “good, kind Mummy,” to a “very unkind Mummy.” This parenting lark is tough. But we still love our darlings! 🙂

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Nadia - ScandiMummy 28th October 2016 - 10:06 pm

This is so important. We are made to believe we need to be perfect and our kids need to be perfect, but we are only human and that is good and okay. Thanks for sharing lovely lady! #KCACOLS

Nadia – Scandimummy x

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Jade 29th October 2016 - 5:27 pm

Thank you for commenting honey! There is definitely no such thing as perfect xx

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James Hopes 28th October 2016 - 9:08 pm

Parenting is definitely hard sometimes! We always love our little one but don’t understand him all the time! I’m sure we’ll have lots of similar moments to your one over the years ahead! #KCACOLS

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Cathryn - Little Paper Swans 28th October 2016 - 7:25 pm

Ohhh being a Mum is bloody hard. I’ve got tantrums all to come as yet. It’s ok to feel that way sometimes.

A large glass of wine and a bedtime is just what you need sometimes.

Great post!

#KCACOLS

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Jade 29th October 2016 - 5:46 pm

Very large my lovely x

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Kerry 28th October 2016 - 5:03 pm

Being a mum is hard, and you are so right, I love my children more than words can say, but sometimes I can’t be in the same space as them! We shouldn’t feel guilty, just deal with it and move on. Too much time as a mum is spent feeling guilty. #KCACOLS

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Michelle 28th October 2016 - 4:01 pm

Perfect Mom = Complete Fiction. I’m totally 100% with you on this! #KCACOLS

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Maria 28th October 2016 - 12:37 pm

There are most definitely times I don’t like my sons very much either – it’s just part and parcel of being a parent. It’s tough and can be trying but then there are the wonderful days when you have nothing but love too so it evens it up in the end! #KCACOLS

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Rainbows are too beautiful 28th October 2016 - 9:58 am

It’s always ups and downs in our house. Can’t be helped and is perfectly normal! #kcacols

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Madeline (This Glorious Life) 27th October 2016 - 6:58 pm

Brilliantly honest post. Surely we don’t like any person in our lives all the time? Our siblings wind us up, our partners bug us, etc, why should it be different with our children? We will always love all these people, but there will surely always be times we don’t like them. x #KCACOLS

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Jade 29th October 2016 - 5:51 pm

Very true I don’t like anyone all the time…except the pizza delivery man. I think I guess because I think I made him I should like him for ever..your right though I get frustrated with everyone even myself! xx

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Mum in Brum 27th October 2016 - 9:16 am

Loved this! I think if we’re honest we all have days when we don’t like our children – I know I certainly do. But as you say, love in unconditional. They really do test us some days and it can be soooo hard to remain patient – they are just so irrational. xx #KCACOLS

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Jade 29th October 2016 - 6:59 pm

Thank you lovely, Its so good that people are honest! Haha I have my irrational moments too! No one tries my patience more than my little man!xx

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Emma Plus Three 26th October 2016 - 7:57 pm

Great post. Very honest and one that I can very much relate to x #KCACOLS

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Sonia 26th October 2016 - 10:02 am

Yes, I can relate to this! With three of them, there is usually one that I don’t like at any one time (or its the husband!!). What can you do!?! #KCACOLS

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mainy - myrealfairy 26th October 2016 - 9:18 am

I have loads of days like that! Then I feel bad and eat!:)

Mainy

#KCACOLS

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Jenn @ Mad Mommy 26th October 2016 - 4:04 am

I tell my husband often “I will love you always, I just don’t like you very much right now.” The same applies to my children. But soon after they always do something sweet that swells my heart and all the dislike go away. For a little while at least. #KCACOLS

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ohmummymia 25th October 2016 - 9:24 pm

We all have our ups and downs so you don’t need to feel guilty. Sometimes i’m asking my son what the f*ck you want? and he can;t answer because he is only 6 months:D but I love him from the moon and back
#KCACOLS

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kris 25th October 2016 - 9:23 pm

yep im with you. I sometimes dislike my 2 year old esp when hes trowing something at my head or screaming in my face. As parents we often cannot do right for doing wrong! #kcacols

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Tooting Mama 25th October 2016 - 7:07 pm

Love this post, it’s good to be honest with ourselves about this. I have been their so many times when faced with incredibly challenging behaviour. I’ve had the issues at school too (totally understand that!). Our kids try and test us, they know exactly what buttons to push. Sometimes its a cry for help, sometimes is just – just having a yuk day, and they’re going to make my day yuk too! One of my kid’s had a tantrum which has left their voice hoarse the next day. I had a big glass of wine after that one.

You don’t have to feel guilty. You are a good mum. We are perfect nor are our kids. But we still love them!

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Jade 29th October 2016 - 7:16 pm

School issues are the worst you cant completely step in..your not sure what’s going on..ahh parenting is hard. Big glass of wine is the saviour of the evenings! What a lovely comment thank you lovely xx

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Cal at Family Makes 24th October 2016 - 11:29 pm

This is such a brilliant piece of writing. It totally sums it up – the rollercoaster of emotion that is being a parent. Just brilliant. #KCACOLS

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Helena 24th October 2016 - 9:12 pm

You tell it like it is. I’m sure we’ve all gone through this right? #KCACOLS

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Gabriela Green 24th October 2016 - 7:57 pm

This is so true. I think that the same thing can apply to our “better half” sometimes as well! #KCACOLS

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The Hippy Christian Mum 24th October 2016 - 7:29 pm

Great post. Noticed you needed to clean the floor hahaha…Mine are lush but I find myself disliking other people’s kids sometimes, is that better or worse? #honesty #KCAOLS

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jeremy@thirstydaddy 24th October 2016 - 5:07 pm

My wife and I just had a similar conversation about the teenager. We will always love her, but man it’s really hard to like her sometimes #KCACOLS

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Jade 24th October 2016 - 5:43 pm

Oh I am fearful of the teenage years!!x

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Angela Watling 24th October 2016 - 1:24 pm

Such an honest and lovely post. I had a little lump in my throat at the end there. My daughter is 21 months so in a completely different stage of life, but everything you are going through so sound so familiar. She is pushing boundaries and exhausting me. When they kick-off in the day and then need you at night, it feels like you never get the space to get over everything that has happened. Moments today I’ve not like my daughter and I’m pretty certain she’s not liked me. But the love is always there! Thanks for sharing x #KCACOLS

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Jade 24th October 2016 - 5:47 pm

Thank you lovely, we all have trying, exhausting days it is lovely to know parents all support each other and as you say we love our littles no matter what x

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Now I am mum 24th October 2016 - 12:18 pm

I love the honesty of this post. And it is so true that in those tricky moments you notice things like the floor needing washing, ha! Nice to read about the downs as well as ups of parenting so we don’t feel the lack of a perfect Facebook life is abnormal. #kcacols

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Jade 24th October 2016 - 5:49 pm

Haha perfect life is not a thing! Ups and downs are what makes things interesting, its exhausting and amazing being a parent. xx

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claire 24th October 2016 - 11:25 am

back from #kcacols! xx

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Shaney (imummyblog) 24th October 2016 - 10:01 am

OMG this post really resonates with me right now. I am writing about a similar feeling at the moment. I really like the way you write, thanks for sharing your honesty. #KCACOLS

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Jade 24th October 2016 - 5:50 pm

Thank you lovely, I look forwards to reading your post too xx

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Kayla Loves 24th October 2016 - 10:56 am

Lovely, honest post! Love it! #KCACOLS

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Mackenzie Glanville 24th October 2016 - 8:16 am

haha I totally get what you are saying here. Today I am actually loving Adam, today he is being adorable, last week there were glimpses of liking him, and many moments of not liking him so much, but today is so far being a good day, it is almost bedtime though so let’s see how that goes #KCACOLS

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Jade 24th October 2016 - 5:50 pm

Haha bedtimes are always clinchers of the day..they make it or break it..or you if its 45 minutes of screaming!xx

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Alana - Burnished Chaos 24th October 2016 - 6:05 am

What a great honest post. If we’re honest with ourselves I thing we al, feel like this somedays. Over the last couple of years I have gone through some very challenging times with my oldest where we haven’t liked each other very much, but we still love each other fiercely. Thankfully those times are few and far between now but the youngest just turned two so it won’t be long before it starts again!
#KCACOLS

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Jade 24th October 2016 - 5:54 pm

Definitely parental love is fierce! A lovely description, haha 2..batton down the hatches ready for those toddler tantrums 🙂 x

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Carolina Twin Mom / Mary Peterson 24th October 2016 - 4:16 am

Honesty is such a disarming thing. It’s very easy to feel like I’m the only one who has times of not liking her children. People have a way of rhapsodizing about children and only mentioning the positives. Bread rolls on the ceiling are what’s REAL. Thank you for your guts in publishing this!
#KCACOLS

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Jade 24th October 2016 - 5:57 pm

I think it good to have a mix of both..there is a place for pintrest perfect rhapsodizing and a place for mums hiding under the table from their littles, parenting is both the good and the bad times. You need to be honest I think so mums don’t hold themselves to an impossible ideal xx

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Kellie - Hooray for Moms 24th October 2016 - 3:46 am

LOL This post made me giggle, because I think we’ve all been there. We may LOVE our kids ALL the time, but liking can be a different story.
#KCACOLS

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Brandi Puga 24th October 2016 - 3:22 am

I feel you, I actually wrote a post called “Remembering That I Like My Kids” just a few months ago. Children are tiny sociopaths and they can be righteous jerks sometimes….hang in there! #KCACOLS

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Jade 24th October 2016 - 5:58 pm

I’m crying with laughter at tiny sociopaths!x

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Peachy and her Mommy 24th October 2016 - 1:09 am

I think every parent feels like that at some point. There are moments when I feel like my patience is wearing thin and I struggle to stay positive. To not lose my cool. But those times when I fail end up in my feeling so guilty that they make it easier to keep it together the next time. The bad moments disappear and I just want to hold my little girl and tell her that I love her. The good moments far outweigh the bad. #KCACOLS

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Jade 24th October 2016 - 6:03 pm

I have just read your lovely post on how you had a hard day in the parenting world and your little one came and gave you a cuddle. It made my heart hurt with love, they exhaust us sometimes drive us to the end of our tether but in the end they are our world. x

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Rachel George 23rd October 2016 - 9:07 pm

A very real post. 16 was the toughest age with my first one. Lots of inner rage and swearing in my own head even though the worst I ever say out loud is “bum”. Kids test your limits, then go a bit further! #KCACOLS

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five little doves 23rd October 2016 - 8:36 pm

I think ALL of us can think of a time when we didn’t like our children, despite the fact that we always love them. My children have days were they are genuinely unlikeable, and I did feel guilty about feeling that way at first, particularly given everything we went through to have them, but it’s normal, in the same way that my husband is equally unlikeable some days too! #kcacols

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Jade 24th October 2016 - 6:08 pm

haha I didn’t even think about the other half 😉 I think being earnest about feelings is important, and knowing that you love them. Late nights, tantrums and all. Thank you for the lovely comment xx

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Oddhogg 23rd October 2016 - 8:09 pm

We’ve not reached this stage yet since Piglet is only 7 months but I\m sure our time will come – and I’m pleased to see its perfectly normal! #kcacols

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Louise 23rd October 2016 - 8:02 pm

I can’t say I’ve disliked my son yet, but he’s only 8 months! I can imagine there will be times! This is a refreshingly honest post #KCACOLS

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kristin mccarthy 23rd October 2016 - 8:11 pm

I love your honesty. Totally true. I get it mama- I have four little ones and a different favorite child every single day!

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Kelly Robinson 23rd October 2016 - 7:09 pm

After the day I have had I am really happy to read this post. My son is four and going through a really stubborn point. He wont listen to me and just chases his sister and throws things. I feel like walking out and then he gives us a cuddle and tells us how much he loves us. I think boys have testosterone surges around the age of 4 so must be tough for them sometimes to control their anger. Don’t worry though, you are most definitely not alone! #KCACOLS

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Jade 24th October 2016 - 6:13 pm

I think that age they get so frustrated, my little lad got hansy at 4…I got so tired and exhausted running round and bribing him at that age. That stubbornness does subside. Boys and there testosterone! Cuddles as you say make it all worthwhile xx

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Amie 23rd October 2016 - 8:04 pm

I’m having a week of dislike at the minute. Amelia has been such a hobbiblebvhild sometimes – I think we’re experiencing super terrible twos!! #KKACOLS

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Becca Farrelly 23rd October 2016 - 5:30 pm

Aww its so difficult isn’t it sometimes! We went to a birthday party today and Mia had the worst tantrum ever trying to get her out on my own in front of a packed soft play! I was so unbelievably cross with her as I wrestled her out of the place and back to the car and then after tackling her into her car seat, I could have cried like she was! Its so difficult to remain calm in those situations and as I sat there with her screaming at me, I just kept repeating to myself that it wasn’t my fault and this happens to other people! Mia did not ‘like’ me for the rest of the day and has played games and done puzzles with daddy for the rest of the day. Its ok for us both to dislike each other and its ok for me to accept that! 🙂

#KCACOLS

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Jade 12th November 2016 - 9:16 pm

I had my son tell me he hate me today as I asked him to eat his broccoli…I wanted to cry, then he had a tantrum then five minutes later we happily were colouring in together! Parenthood is one big rollercoaster ride xx

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Tracey 23rd October 2016 - 4:01 pm

I am sure we all feel the same way at times, particularly when the children are testing our patience to the limit! Although I never admit it to my children because I know they would just try and use it against me 😉 #kcacols

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Lianne harris 23rd October 2016 - 3:34 pm

This is such a brave admission that I don’t think many parents would admit. It is so true though as they can do something which frustrates us yet we will always love them dearly
#kcakols

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Eugene Uttley 23rd October 2016 - 3:26 pm

Very real and enjoyable read.
#KCACOLS

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Soppymum (Sara) 23rd October 2016 - 3:39 pm

Oh my goodness this is so true! Especially the cuddles when they’re asleep. For me it’s a reset after a stressful day #kcacols

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flying solo 23rd October 2016 - 3:24 pm

As a mother of a 16 year old and 20 year old and having gone through every nightmare you can think of (solo) I can tell you its OK to dislike them and even hate them some days! They test every ounce of your patience and more. Im so glad the bad stuff is behind me, but they are still moody little Sh*** and still have moments when I just curl my lip and roll my eyes and look at them and think, God you came out of my womb!! I love them more than life itself, but I dont half dislike them at the same time. It takes years to realise that emotion is acceptable.

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Emma me and b make tea 23rd October 2016 - 2:00 pm

I ca so relate to this post because this was me on Friday. my son was really trying and just wasn’t happy with anything. and by 3pm id had it. he came down from his room and apologised so all was then good. I find it really frustrating when he is playing up, especially when there is no real need to or it is over something ridiculous! #KCACOLS

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The Tale of Mummyhood 23rd October 2016 - 1:03 pm

At 3am when I am still waiting to sleep I dislike my youngest slightly!

#KCACOLS

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Devon Mama 23rd October 2016 - 12:04 pm

Love this post. It’s so difficult to split between disliking them and disliking their behaviour sometimes. Also, who doesn’t jam 4 jaffa cakes in their mouth in times of need – cupboard angry eating is a definite thing!
#kcacols

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the frenchie mummy 23rd October 2016 - 11:32 am

So hard to love them all the time!!! And you are so right, the perfect maman is pure fiction. Let’s get it right #KCACOLS

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Kirsty - winnettes 23rd October 2016 - 10:17 am

Ah this is a lovely honest post. I often dislike my girls. The eldest is having quite the tough stage at the moment and whilst I’m trying very hard to remain patient and supportive after a week of her directing her anger at me and being down right nasty its very hard to ‘like’ her. Still love the bones off her though! Plus I quite like her this morning.
#KCACOLS

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PickingUpToys 23rd October 2016 - 9:16 am

I’m so glad I’m not the only one!Some days my teen and my 4 year old make me want to sob my heart out,other days I want to squeeze them I love them so much.My 7 year old is the dreamiest kid you could ever wish for.What parenting is all about. x #kcacols

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tammymum 23rd October 2016 - 7:48 am

Ah I have read and commented on the post on the Huff Post, but just popping back from #KCACOLS to share some love xxx

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Laura 23rd October 2016 - 6:18 am

I love this post! So perfectly worded and very brave to admit! I think every mum can relate to this! #KCACOLS

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Nicole | The Professional Mom Project 23rd October 2016 - 1:49 am

This is such a great post. We all go through these feelings with our kids… #KCACOLS

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Fiona - Coombe Mill 22nd October 2016 - 11:40 pm

Such a good saying, we always love them but I have to say I don’t always like their behaviour #KCACOLS

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Jen | Practical, By Default 22nd October 2016 - 11:14 pm

I LOVE this post. Mine are teenagers, and I do not always like them. I have told them, I love you oh so much, but I do not like the behaviour you are giving me right now. Thanks so much for sharing!

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chocolateandwineandillbefine 22nd October 2016 - 10:11 pm

Haha I say this to myself every day! I believe it is completely normal. My mum used to say it to me all the time and now I completely understand! #KCACOLS

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Jules Pondering Parenthood 22nd October 2016 - 9:52 pm

I think you were right to consider that there is usually a reason for a child’s negative behaviour and while it shouldn’t be an excuse, and there should still be consequences, it’s vital to try to understand those reasons to help the child grow and develop positively. #KCACOLS

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Ali Duke 22nd October 2016 - 9:45 pm

This post is brilliant. I think we all go through this with our children at some point. They say and do things that make us question how we feel about them, but at the end of the day we love them whole-heartedly.
#KCACOLS

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relentlesslypurple 22nd October 2016 - 9:31 pm

So true! I love my girls so much but sometimes I really dislike them for a little while x #KCACOLS

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Laura - dear bear and beany 22nd October 2016 - 9:25 pm

I always say to my husband I will always love you, but right now I don’t like you. Normally when he hasn’t entered the dishwasher or something!!! But it definitely applies to being a mum too, more with Alice as she is older and pushes those buttons. I don’t say it to Alice, but I do often think it. x #KCACOLS

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Bad Dadu 22nd October 2016 - 9:25 pm

I’d guess that 99.9% of parents go through this on a regular basis. On more than one occasion I’ve asked my wife: “Why is he being such a nob?” – and then regretted it #KCACOLS

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The Mum Reviews 22nd October 2016 - 9:25 pm

I love this. I definitely don’t always like my kids. And I know what you mean about the too-small chairs and being accountable for what they do at school. BTW, have you heard that joke about selling your kid? One mum says: That’s it, I’m fed up, I’m selling the kid on eBay. Other mum says: No that’s wrong. You made him…that goes on Etsy! #kcacols

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Pen 22nd October 2016 - 9:14 pm

This is very true. My Mum used to say ” I love you unconditionally, but at the moment I do not like you very much”. Before I became a mother I always felt that this comment was very harsh, now I just think it is very true. Thanks for this post. Pen x #KCACOLS

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Bridie By The Sea 15th October 2016 - 2:07 pm

I adore everything you write, but this is one of my absolute faves. Thank you. How are we supposed to be LOVING motherhood 24/7 when our kids lie in a heap screaming because you won’t let them eat half a Twix for breakfast (that may or may not be a true story). Sometimes we don’t love being with our kids, and that is perfectly ok! xxx #stayclassymama

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The Mum Project 14th October 2016 - 6:24 am

Aw man that is rough. I totally think we should rewrite that children’s book because you’re right we don’t “like them for always.” My moments where I’m not sure I “like” him are when I try to change his nappy or when he wakes up in the middle of the night 5,000 times. I just read somewhere that if we are worrying about how we a bad mum then that means we are in fact a good mum because bad mums wouldn’t worry about that. What I’m trying to say is you’re a good mum! And also that children’s book is crap, did you see the Friends episode where Joey does a dramatic read of it as a birthday present for Rachel’s daughter? Lol Thanks for sharing with #StayClassyMama!

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Coffee&Bubbles 13th October 2016 - 8:18 pm

I go through this emotional rollercoaster almost daily. It’s so difficult sometimes to keep your cool and I always feel so guilty for snapping. They always manage to win our hearts again and again. #stayclassymama

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claire 13th October 2016 - 6:43 pm

This is a great post. I think you’ve nailed something most mothers can’t even put into words in their own hearts let alone out loud. xx #stayclassymama

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Squirmy Popple 13th October 2016 - 7:16 pm

I love, love, love this post – much like I love, love, love my child even when I don’t like hanging out with her very much. You totally nailed it. #stayclassymama

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