Home Parenting & Family 20 House Rules For REAL Families #Honesthouserules #Dontlicktheneighbourscat

20 House Rules For REAL Families #Honesthouserules #Dontlicktheneighbourscat

by Author: Jade Lloyd

They say children need rules and boundaries.

With that in mind the other night I sat down with a glass of adult grape juice and jotted down a couple of rules that I think the Jungle family needs. They help to manage to chaos, that and I feel powerful with a biro in my hand.

We used to have a list on the fridge to back up what we were saying to our little boy when he was going through his bloody awful 4’s. I could have used a descriptive that also rhymes with F for four but I didn’t. Because this is a family blog. ‘No biting’ was one of them. Little nipper. Thankfully he is past that and the ‘unkind hands’ and pooing in his Spider-Man onesie phase. We blame over exposure to Ninja turtles.

The new improved rules are things like, if you want something screaming ‘MUMMY’ in an inaudible pitch REPEATEDLY is not a polite way to ask for a sandwich.

Halfway through this very sensible task I got thinking about the real type of rules families with kids need.

House Rules for ALL families.


  • Farting at the table is NOT ok. Nor is throwing food, spitting it out, or trying to impale your playdate with a fork after stealing a chip.
  • Believe in Santa, the Tooth fairy and the Easter bunny (or you don’t get presents).
  • Mummy will not be buying you anything you see on TV adverts. It is all crap. Nor will I buy you magazines that shops sneakily put by the tills. You do not need a 2cm Peppa pig that will break in 10 minutes and three Haribo’s with a magazine you cannot yet read.
  • Selfies are limited to three a day.
  • Be grateful. Teach the child what grateful means. Hug each other as much as you can.
  • Don’t drink the bathwater.
  • Crisps are not a breakfast cereal do not ask for them at 7 am.
  • Mummy spends a lot of time cleaning the bathroom. Do not poo on the floor, side of the toilet or wee up the wall.
  • Despicable Me can only be watched a maximum of twice a day.
  • Shouting MINE does not constitute ownership.
  • Pick your battles, nose picking is not the worst thing that can happen today.
  • Say sorry. Children and adults. We can both be wrong.
  • If the adults buy expensive china, it is half their fault when the kids break it.
  • ‘The unicorn did it’ is not an appropriate response to what happened? Though we admire your creativity.
  • Wine IS ALWAYS acceptable before 6pm. For adults exclusively. The kid didn’t earn it. We also don’t let him have anything fizzy. Things will end badly with Coca cola.
  • Parents SEE ALL. Don’t try and lie, you are terrible at it.
  • Brush your teeth don’t just eat the toothpaste.
  • BUT MUUUUMY…or OIIIIII MUUUUUM is not an appropriate address for the woman who gave you life. Similarly, Monster child and Little horror are not appropriate names for your firstborn.
  • If we don’t know something we will Google it.
  • Before parenthood I did not know that there would need to be a rule, do not lick the neighbour’s cat. I was wrong.

Any house rules that you think we are missing? Or do you have any stonkers that we should know, for example, don’t try and pull the Postman’s leg hair? 

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Parentville 27th September 2016 - 9:31 am

LOLOLOLOL this is the best list!

Don’t drink the bathwater, for the little one And the one about the selfies for the older one, are daily battles 🙂

Emma (Upside Mum) 20th August 2016 - 9:15 am

So funny! Sounds similar to our house. Why do kids drink bath water?! Our four year old loves a selfie. If I accidentally leave my phone unattended I need to delete about 100 photos! #kcacols

Jade 25th August 2016 - 5:38 pm

Haha kid selfies are the best..half a face..or the carpet..or their mouths!x

Claire 19th August 2016 - 2:49 pm

This is so funny I almost woke my son laughing at it. Obviously ‘no laughing during naptime’ needs to be a rule! #kcacols

The Unsung Mum 17th August 2016 - 5:17 pm

Love this! We have a few like this. We will only watch Finding Nemo twice a day. Biting your sister because you think it’s funny is not cool. S teaming mummy at the top of your lungs will not make her come quicker. Kids ? #KCACOLS

Jade 18th August 2016 - 2:47 pm

Oh od I hate the ‘MUUUUUMYYYY’ I just gently say back mummy would prefer you come and say it to me and say excuse me if I am doing something…instead I get EXCCCCUSE ME MUMMMY NOW…screamed five minutes later…

Kerry 17th August 2016 - 6:13 am

I particularly like the last one, about licking the cat! We’d have to also add don’t eat and drink from the cat bowls, you are not a cat! #KCACOLS

Jade 18th August 2016 - 3:30 pm

I’m all for a bit of immune system building but eugh lol they are funny xxx

Kerry 17th August 2016 - 6:13 am

I particularly like the last one, about licking the cat! We’d have to also add don’t eat and drink from the cat bowls, you are not a cat! #KCACOLS

TheIrishBabyFairy 14th August 2016 - 8:26 pm

This list of rules is both hilarious and worrying in equal measures! We have a 5 month old, I see there are many joys ahead!! Love the photo of the murdered potato, brilliant ? #KCACOLS

Jade 16th August 2016 - 6:04 am

I saw it and was hysterical..potato murder lol…Potato’s are pretty much the only food my son will eat. They get more difficult the more opinions they get!xx

alex 14th August 2016 - 5:46 pm

Ha ha – I’ve not come across the licking the neighbours cat one yet, but all the rest are pretty on point. But, whats wrong with drinking the bath water!? It’s good for their immune system. No MMR needed #KCACOLS

Jade 16th August 2016 - 6:07 am

Haha I love that comment…no MMR needed….usually the bathwater is a terrifying colour thanks to him pouring half the bottle of bubble bath into it…xx

Beta Mummy 11th August 2016 - 8:16 pm

Mine would definitely involve “Do not play with your willy at the table”…
And “Do not insert things into your willy”…
There would be a common theme.
Thanks for joining #chucklemums x

Mouse, Moo and Me Too 10th August 2016 - 9:45 pm

I have the same issues with toothpaste! Don’t just swallow it all and then spend 1 minute 59 seconds chewing water off the toothbrush head. Alright, do, and have shit teeth – see if I care (I totally care). Fab post Jade! Thanks for linking with #Chucklemums, hope to see you next week 🙂 xx

Naimah 10th August 2016 - 3:20 am

On point with these rules!

RachelSwirl 9th August 2016 - 9:51 pm

lol love this post, we need some serious rules setting in this house!

Fran @ Whinge Whinge Wine 9th August 2016 - 3:42 pm

Loved this Jade! Have the same rule about magazines but daddy doesn’t stick to it. Bloody daddy. #chucklemums

Jade 11th August 2016 - 11:57 am

Haha Bloody daddy. Kick him xx

Fran @ Whinge Whinge Wine 14th August 2016 - 3:41 pm

Back for #KCACOLS, I will. I will.

Jade 16th August 2016 - 6:10 am

Hahaha I love you popping in..hands you a glass of wine..xx

Cherie 9th August 2016 - 9:45 am

This is a pretty awesome list! Ours would include

Don’t lick the Windows

Stop swinging o the door handles and bunk bed

The stairs are not a suitable place to play trains

There are volumes between tiny quiet whisper and crazy banshee screaming please try and use them

Keep your limbs to yourself

STOP flooding the bathroom

Just to name a few ?

Jade 11th August 2016 - 11:56 am

Crying with laughter at this! I love don’t lick the windows…why do they do that?!!?!xxx


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