20 House Rules For REAL Families #Honesthouserules #Dontlicktheneighbourscat

They say children need rules and boundaries.

With that in mind the other night I sat down with a glass of adult grape juice and jotted down a couple of rules that I think the Jungle family needs. They help to manage to chaos, that and I feel powerful with a biro in my hand.

We used to have a list on the fridge to back up what we were saying to our little boy when he was going through his bloody awful 4’s. I could have used a descriptive that also rhymes with F for four but I didn’t. Because this is a family blog. ‘No biting’ was one of them. Little nipper. Thankfully he is past that and the ‘unkind hands’ and pooing in his Spider-Man onesie phase. We blame over exposure to Ninja turtles.

The new improved rules are things like, if you want something screaming ‘MUMMY’ in an inaudible pitch REPEATEDLY is not a polite way to ask for a sandwich.

Halfway through this very sensible task I got thinking about the real type of rules families with kids need.

House Rules for ALL families.

• Farting at the table is NOT ok. Nor is throwing food, spitting it out, or trying to impale your playdate with a fork after stealing a chip.

• Believe in Santa, the Tooth fairy and the Easter bunny (or you don’t get presents).

• Mummy will not be buying you anything you see on TV adverts. It is all crap. Nor will I buy you magazines that shops sneakily put by the tills. You do not need a 2cm Peppa pig that will break in 10 minutes and three Haribo’s with a magazine you cannot yet read.

• Selfies are limited to three a day.

• Be grateful. Teach the child what grateful means. Hug each other as much as you can.

• Don’t drink the bathwater.

• Crisps are not a breakfast cereal do not ask for them at 7 am.

• Mummy spends a lot of time cleaning the bathroom. Do not poo on the floor, side of the toilet or wee up the wall.

• Despicable Me can only be watched a maximum of twice a day.

• Shouting MINE does not constitute ownership.

• Pick your battles, nose picking is not the worst thing that can happen today.

• Say sorry. Children and adults. We can both be wrong.

• If the adults buy expensive china, it is half their fault when the kids break it.

• ‘The unicorn did it’ is not an appropriate response to what happened? Though we admire your creativity.

• Wine IS ALWAYS acceptable before 6pm. For adults exclusively. The kid didn’t earn it. We also don’t let him have anything fizzy. Things will end badly with Coca cola.

• Parents SEE ALL. Don’t try and lie, you are terrible at it.

• Brush your teeth don’t just eat the toothpaste.

• BUT MUUUUMY…or OIIIIII MUUUUUM is not an appropriate address for the woman who gave you life. Similarly, Monster child and Little horror are not appropriate names for your firstborn.

• If we don’t know something we will Google it.

• Before parenthood I did not know that there would need to be a rule, do not lick the neighbour’s cat. I was wrong.

Any house rules that you think we are missing? Or do you have any stonkers that we should know, for example, don’t try and pull the Postman’s leg hair?