Dear Dad Bloggers. I Am Sorry #Dadbloggers #Fathers


My words may be clumsy, stumbling, likely sound self-involved. Perhaps they are.

Honesty and raw feelings don’t always translate smoothly onto a page the way my heart wants them to. But the hope is there. That this will be taken as it is intended…humbly and with respect.

Glancing through Twitter hundreds of colourful posts fly upwards from my scrolling thumb.

I smile, and read, and retweet a constant stream of words that remind me I am not alone. Not the only one that is tired to the point of tears. Thoughts and feelings from parents, like me; sharing our joys, fears and snapshots of our children’s epic tantrums. Crayon on walls and sick on shoes. For fun, for support, for a living.

Yet, there are some posts that sometimes the content I find hard to read. That I skip over.


To make it clear I am in NO WAY an anti-daddy blogger, or anti daddy for that matter. Mummy and daddy are both Y words. Different but equal. I don’t see anywhere in the definition of a ‘good parent’ the specification of requiring boobs instead of balls.

You are fighting to be seen as you are, as loving devoted dads who are witty, knowledgeable and present. With your children in your arms, there is no room for perceptions of the father’s role as ‘secondary’.

And that is why I find it so hard.

Because however grown up I am. However many wrinkles frame my eyes, part of me will always be the little girl whose daddy left her and I am jealous of how you love your children. I read your posts and admire your pictures but it incites a bittersweet joy that for me is coloured grey by the sharp tone of loss.

Of missed chances.

Until I was six, maybe seven, the definition of dad’ was an absent space. An empty chair. An imaginary hand that held mine. He had no place in my world.

Didn’t I deserve one?

I would observe my friend’s dads, always a little cautious, and try and figure out their role in family life. Friends before school plays would happily say, ‘my daddy is coming to watch me.’

I knew that mine never would.

Picture of a man holding a pink pair of booties

There are sepia toned pictures of the day I met my dad.

I was dressed in my best Christmas dress even though it was not Christmas. It must have been nerve-wracking for him and my mum. He was handsome with a dimple in his nose. I could see nothing of me in him. My mother says otherwise, that I have his temper and tilt of head.

In school I was proud to tell people, at last, that daddy came to see me.

The word felt unfamiliar on my lips.

And for a while the odd weekend was spent with him, his wife, and eventually my half siblings. I did adore them but would not recognise them in the street now. Two little people with his dark hair and olive skin whilst I was blonde and fair. I never quite felt like I fit in.

It was hard split between two families. Could I truly have a place in each? I had no room there, no trace.

We slowly drifted out of contact, did not understand each other.

When met with reality I found myself disappointed.

People are not perfect.

Do I wish we had never met, so my imagination could hold onto the idea of a good dad? It would be easier than holding all these regrets.

He wanted the little girl he had left and he was awkwardly trying to fill the shoes that my grandfather had stepped into when he cast them off.

What does it mean to be a dad?

Spending most of my childhood crawling round the floor pretending to be a pony, grandad must have hurt his knees. In his workshop I hid his best hammers. He would put water on a comb and quiff my hair up like a teddy boy. Travolta chic. Memories are filled with grass, sheep, wood smoke and brown leaves. A man of little words. Of reassurance and bad jokes. The jokes have faded with age.

He gently murmurs to his horses and mutters at my grandma under his breath when she tells him off for overcooking the parsnips.

It is me that needs to change.

To grow up and leave that little girl behind.

little girl with glitter falling down on her face

So, when I read posts from dad bloggers they should remind me of how men can be loving, protective, there. I should see my grandfather, and not the father that left.

See the man that stayed.

Dear daddy bloggers, thank you. For redefining the word dad for me.

For reminding me what it means to be a father and what it is to earn the title.


Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday

Brilliant blog posts on



  1. October 2, 2016 / 8:43 am

    Oh, what a heartfelt post. I feel choked up. It must have been so difficult for you not having a dad around. #triballove
    Sarah – Mum & Mor recently posted…One Year BlogiversaryMy Profile

  2. October 2, 2016 / 8:53 am

    Oh Jade this is so beautiful. It must be really hard to not have your Dad as part of your life – I think it is wonderful how you take some so positive from reading Daddy blogger’s posts xxx
    Bridie By The Sea recently posted…5 Things I Couldn’t Live WithoutMy Profile

  3. October 2, 2016 / 8:58 am

    I love this Jade. I can relate on so many levels, such a great post to all the Dads out there (including the father of my son) who are amazing, wonderful and supportive : ).

  4. October 2, 2016 / 1:07 pm

    This is a beautiful post, it choked me up. While my Dad has been ‘there’ (albeit separated from my mum most of my life) there have always been issues. My Husband is a completely different man to our boys than my dad was with my brother and I, and I couldn’t be more grateful. xx #kcacols

  5. October 2, 2016 / 6:26 pm

    This is so lovely, and I’m so sorry that you don’t have your dad in your life. I have been so lucky to have a wonderful Dad, I know that many do not, and I love to read Daddy blogs to see that there are some wonderful fathers out there too. Thank you for sharing. #KCACOLS
    five little doves recently posted…Introducing “After School Club”…My Profile

  6. October 2, 2016 / 9:13 pm

    A lovely post, my dad left us when I was 16 and was terrible at keeping in contact, I wouldn’t hear from him in months on end and gave up trying to contact him. I feel jealous of people with great dads too, mine was good when he was there but pants when he wasn’t. #KCACOLS

  7. October 2, 2016 / 9:24 pm

    This brought a lump to my throat Jade. I’m so sorry that you didn’t have a strong paternal influence growing up but yes, I completely agree that some of the daddy bloggers out there are just amazing and restore my faith that there are some brilliant daddies raising their beautiful children. #tribe Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday.

  8. October 2, 2016 / 10:59 pm

    awww such an honest and heart felt post x

  9. October 3, 2016 / 3:53 pm

    Thank you for this. I’m so sorry your dad wasn’t really in your life. I hope to not be that kind of dad.

  10. October 3, 2016 / 9:15 pm

    This has made me cry. You have written about him before but your grandfather just sounds like an amazing man. It’s understandable that seeing dad bloggers has brought up complex emotions for you and as always you’ve written beautifully and from the heart ❤️❤️ I think it’s lovely seeing all these brilliant Dads sharing their stories. As you say so eloquently – there is no requirement to have boobs to be a good parent!
    Ellen recently posted…Sunshine Blogger AwardMy Profile

    • Jade
      October 5, 2016 / 6:45 pm

      Haha I always have to throw off my deep heartfelt writing will balls, thank you for the beautiful comment darling xx

  11. October 3, 2016 / 10:58 pm

    There’s definitely a lot of great dads out there.

    Although I was always closer to my mum, because she was at home a lot more with me than my dad, I’m really glad and feel lucky that they’ve both had a positive influence on my life.

    Really sorry you didn’t get to have the relationship you deserved with your dad. #KCACOLS

    • Jade
      October 5, 2016 / 6:35 pm

      There definitely is! My relationship with my dad taught me so much about being a good mum and doing the best I can to encourage my sons relationship with his dad 🙂 xx

  12. October 4, 2016 / 7:05 am

    I have grown up with my father living very far from me, so my visits to him and his family were far and few in between. So I know how you feel. I am trying to be the dad he couldn’t be to me.
    I’m glad you had a father figure in your life because it means the world to children.
    Thank you for this blog #KCACOLS

    • Jade
      October 5, 2016 / 5:12 pm

      I am sorry for your experience but am so heartened that in turn you are being an amazing dad to ensure your children don’t feel like you did xx

  13. October 4, 2016 / 3:24 pm

    Everybody is going to view life through the lens of their own experiences. I’m sorry that you’re dad wasn’t there when you needed him and am glad that some of us are successfully doing our parts to change negative perceptions. #KCACOLS

    • Jade
      October 5, 2016 / 5:07 pm

      A lot of daddy’s are doing amazing jobs, and its nice that the blogging world provide windows to see you all kicking parenting ass, it does make me happy xx

  14. October 4, 2016 / 8:21 pm

    That’s really brave of you to say this, thanks for sharing the post and for being so honest. Some parents, mums or dads (and more often dads) can be a real disappointment when they don’t live up to their responsibilities to their children. No good dad would be anything other than on your side when reading this.

    • Jade
      October 5, 2016 / 4:30 pm

      Thank you 🙂 I just wanted to write something from the heart that showed my gratitude for good dads, and not come across self involved or judgemental. Your comment means a lot xx

  15. October 5, 2016 / 7:17 pm

    You’re very brave writing this down. My husband has changed my opinion of what a husband and father should be, for the better. Im sure seeing the man that stayed not the man who left is easier said than done.

    • Jade
      October 12, 2016 / 8:21 am

      Thank you, Its my clumsy half-hearted way of sharing my gratitude. I am so glad your husband has changed your opinion 🙂 xx

  16. October 8, 2016 / 3:53 am

    Your post made me cry. I was lucky, and my Mom and Dad are very much a part of my life. But, my ex-husband has had nothing to do with our son for pretty much his entire 16 years. Just a few days ago he turned 16, and he asked if his dad posted anything on facebook about him. It broke my heart to say no, it breaks my heart to think my son has to check facebook to even see if his Dad remembered or cared. I know there are so many levels of hurt and anger a child deals with not having their dad there. I am so sorry. #KCACOLS

    • Jade
      October 12, 2016 / 8:12 am

      Oh this comment made me cry, your son has the most amazing mother to be there for him and that means the world. My mum and I are so close. It is hard for you having to be both mum and dad and your son will know how much you love him xx

  17. October 18, 2016 / 7:02 pm

    This is a wonderful post, I must say it struck a chord with me. My mother left my father when me and my brother were 4 and 5 years of age. My mum remarried and all I recall from that point onwards is missing my dad. We lived quite far away although I didn’t know that at the time. Me and my brother would go off looking for him. My mum used to go mad when we had been out all day and she had been left worried sick. After years of my mums really abusive relationships as we grew up we finally moved back to our home town. When I was 18 years old I met my Dad for the first time in all of those years, I visioned a perfect relationship with him from that point onwards but unfortunately that didn’t happen. Now I try extra hard with my kids as a result and sometimes spoil them a little too much.

    Parents in general who do not pay their children attention aren’t worth our words or worry! Your mother has clearly done an exceptional job and I truly hope that writing this post gives you some closure… good luck

    Ps This is one of the best heart felt posts I have read. Thanks for being brave and sharing.
    Mark Hirst recently posted…10 Awesome Easy to Make Halloween Treats for kidsMy Profile

    • Jade
      October 20, 2016 / 11:37 am

      Thank you for such a wonderful comment, it made me choke up. I am sorry you didn’t get the relationship you deserved but your children have a dad that adores them and there is nothing more they could ask in the world xx

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