The Lion Turns Five. When A Mummy Cannot Cope With Her Son’s Birthday.


So it was my little man’s fifth birthday.

I wanted to do a post that encompasses all the emotions I am feeling. He is so big; time goes in leaps and bounds and trips and falls.

I would never write a post worthy of him and what I feel. So I was sitting in the car listening to this song and thought, what is the most embarrassing thing in the world…a mum attempting to semi-rap. Nailed the shame. I am singing this for your eighteenth.

P.s. Sorry to Lukas Graham for assassinating your song. I am challenging other mummy’s to pick and song and change them for their little ones, or a nursery rhyme, you can have a glass of wine to encourage it for love…and a laugh.


Once you were four years old, your mama told you

she loves ya, but she feel like she’s living in a zoo,

once you were four years old.


It is a big big world, and you’re getting bigger

Pushing mama’s sanity to the limits, we always bicker.

After bedtime she needs a drink of burning liquor

and eats a pack of jaffa cakes, sod her figure.

Once you were one year old, your mama taught you,

to smile and jump and laugh at peek-a-boo,

Once you were one year old.


Once you were two years old, your mama told you

go make yourself some friends or you’ll be lonely (n’ stop biting them!)

Once you were two years old.

You always have that dream, like your mama before you

about the angry giraffe under the bed, too many late night stories.

No you don’t need the lavatory.

You’re not too cold, or too hot, yes the sky is blue,

to put up with this crap I must really love you.

Once you were three years old

you started to get bold

playing in the sun, when life was carefree.

Once you were three years old.


You can’t score a goal, you’ll never be a failure

cause I know the smallest legs, they can make it major.

As time goes on you’ll get braver and braver,

you know you’ll always be able to ask me any favour.

Once you were four years old,

don’t often do what you’re told,

began to write and read ‘bout what you see.

Once you were four years old.


Soon you’ll be thirty years old

I hope you have a heart of gold,

hope you have travelled the world and been roaming.

Soon you’ll be thirty years old.

You will be learning about life.

Your woman (or man) had children with you,

so you can sing them all our songs,

and can tell them stories.


Soon you’ll be sixty years old, I hope muma gets sixty-one

Remember life and then your life becomes a better one.

You made me so happy when you told me you loved me once.

I hope your children come and visit many times a month.

Soon you’ll be sixty years old,

I hope you’ll never think the world is cold

as you will have a lot of children who can warm you.

Soon you’ll be sixty years old.

Once you were five years old, your mama told you,

she is so proud of you and how much you grew.

Once you were five years old.


Once you were five years old.


Pink Pear Bear

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Leave a comment

  1. April 11, 2016 / 5:27 pm

    Oh I love this!! Could hear the song the whole way through- made me tearful! Funnily enough I wrote a blog about my son entering teen years this holiday and will publish this week – think you’ll get my sentiments. Lovely post xx

    • April 11, 2016 / 7:10 pm

      Haha I am soo not a cool mum. I am very much looking forward to your post lovely lady. I dont feel like I am getting older until I look at him and see him changing, it is really bittersweet! I will be a wreck by the time he gets to ten..x

  2. Maxine
    April 11, 2016 / 6:04 pm

    I love it!! You are so brilliantly funny!! X

  3. April 11, 2016 / 6:17 pm

    Aww – what a cute song! I think you should record it and then play it for him when he’s a teenager to remind him how cool his mum is. 🙂

    • April 11, 2016 / 7:11 pm

      Can anyone in the tribe sing??…Leo before, during lullabies, has told me to be quiet as my singing makes his ears hurt….xxx

    • April 11, 2016 / 7:13 pm

      OMG you have a parenting soundtrack!!I was in hysterics reading this..I used to wake Leo up from a nap playing bomfunk MC’s Freestyler as it was the only thing that would wake him up in a good mood!xx

  4. April 12, 2016 / 11:57 am

    Oh great, attack on lyrics! I am sure he enjoyed it. I love the fact he was a bitey two year old! Please do record!

  5. April 12, 2016 / 12:38 pm

    I don’t know the song?! Clearly not down with the kids. But I ADORE this. So heartfelt but funny too. You’re a genius! My brain hurt when I tried to do the same thing as you. But we named our child in such a way that I can sing Jimmy Mack to him but using his nickname (Tommy Mack) and I do that a lot….!!

    • April 12, 2016 / 5:45 pm

      Haha I had to have a glass of wine to even try and be creative. I am definately not up to date but have Heart playing on my drive to work so I have some musical knowledge..owww I love the name Tommy xx

  6. April 17, 2016 / 12:06 pm

    Okay, well clearly I am going to be an emotional train wreck when my boy turns 5 next year since I am crying just reading your rap 😭. I love this post! #KCACOLS

    • April 18, 2016 / 8:28 am

      Oh thank you for your lovely comment, it is nice to know it is not just me!I think I have gone into denial as I keep saying he is 4…glad you enjoyed the post xxxx

  7. Sara Handy Herbs
    April 18, 2016 / 12:39 pm

    What a brilliantly clever way to explain your emotions. I am sure your son will love reading this when he is older! Lovely photos too. They just grow up too fast, don’t they?! #KCACOLS

    • April 18, 2016 / 6:44 pm

      I thought if I did it with a bit of humour I would not sob and get too emotional! I did anyway…Haha when he is older I will seem terribly uncool and not know how to work a hoverboard..definatley way too fast..thank you for your lovely comment xxx

  8. April 18, 2016 / 6:00 pm

    You know, I absolutely loathe that song but you have managed to make me like this version! #KCACOLS

    • April 18, 2016 / 6:50 pm

      Haha I think it is on repeat on heart Fm….Thank you for the comment, and p.s that is such a cute little profile picture!xx

      • April 18, 2016 / 7:25 pm

        Thank you! And yes it is on repeat on every blimmin station! 😀

  9. April 18, 2016 / 8:11 pm

    This probably won’t help but my mum still struggles too and I’m 33 now. #KCACOLS

    • April 19, 2016 / 6:16 am

      Haha in an obscure way that cheers me up!:) Thank you for commenting!x

  10. April 20, 2016 / 5:05 pm

    I love this so much! What a fab little song, very talented! #kcacols

  11. April 21, 2016 / 9:42 pm

    Love it! A rap is so much more original than a soppy post! My eldest turns 6 next month – aghhh!!!

    Thank you for linking up to #KCACOLS and I hope to see you back again on Sunday x

    • April 22, 2016 / 9:06 am

      Thank you it is such a lovely, friendly linky I will definitely come back! Ah six…you will have to rap too or something even cooler..;) x

  12. April 22, 2016 / 10:00 am

    This is so absolutely sweet, and brought tears to my eyes. My little one just turned a year old last month, and them growing older is such a bittersweet thing. I’m so excited to watch him grow, and see him try out his new skills-but I just love holding him in my arms and keeping him little. Happy Birthday to your 5-year-old! And what a great rap-can’t wait to hear it (; x #KCACOLS

    • April 22, 2016 / 1:07 pm

      Thank you for a lovely reply, I think the first few years were the hardest realising your baby is growing. At five there is no signs of my tiny baby, just a little boy! It is both lovely and bittersweet as you say!xx

  13. April 23, 2016 / 9:08 am

    Oh, I absolutely love this song. It is one of my favourites!! And you have done a GREAT job with it. It is a fun way to show your kids how you feel and I like it a lot!! Happy 5th birthday to the lion! He is so lucky to have such a cool mum like you, 😉 Thanks so much for sharing this at #KCACOLS. It is great to have you for the first time.I hope that you enjoyed it. I would love to see you again tomorrow, 🙂 xx

    • April 23, 2016 / 2:23 pm

      Hehe I tried to sing it to him the other day and he told me I broke the song. You have such a lovely linky so many put the effort in to comment which means so much, I am very keen to join again and get my comment on in return, some fab posts out there. Thank you for being a lovely host xxx

  14. carolcliffe
    May 2, 2016 / 1:45 pm

    I LOVE LOVE LOVE this!! Sorry that’s not very eloquent, but this post is just brilliant in every way! My ‘baby’ is 8 in 2 weeks (eek), I’m definitely going to have to try something like this now. Thanks for the inspiration #bigpinklink

    • May 2, 2016 / 3:05 pm

      Eight, ah bless them..When they get past half your size it REALLY freaks a mummy out..mine is I recon by 8 he will be the same height. I recon you should attempt one two, they stop you crying hysterically over baby booties!xx

  15. May 4, 2016 / 1:30 pm

    Oh this really did make me well up a little bit! What a lovely thing to do. I think it is so hard to put into words how the turning hands of time make us feel but you did a fab job. Hope he enjoys being 5. It seems a pretty fun age to me! Thanks for linking up with us! #bigpinklink

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