Relationships Before & After parenthood. How Do They Change?


 Life happens, relationships naturally ebb and flow with time. They change, you change, and so do the people in your life. Relationships demand time but we all know how time is effected by parenthood, zapped, siphoned; it disappears into the long sleepless night, into baby classes and blending food. 


Pre child you would meet for a coffee at lunchtime, or meet for a wine at lunchtime. Day drinking was still a viable life choice. You would go window shopping or actual shopping where you could both afford and fit into clothes. Discussion topics focused around work and boyfriends and social activities.  If you felt like a casual and unplanned visit to the cinema you would text and meet at the door in ten minutes.


You could have phone calls that last for an hour and no one would interrupt you.

Friendships can drift a little after you become a parent, some friends may be hurt that you are not as easily contactable, that you cannot go out for lunch more often. There is dinner to make and dishes to wash, endless laundry piles, after school clubs, prearranged playdates and head lice isolations…Then they will have kids and realise why you couldn’t go clubbing till 5am or you constantly arrived covered in sick.

Others will be amazing and send you messages like, ‘we hope you survived the night’.

You MISS friends and should tell them, the rare meet-ups make you feel joyful in that you are connected to the world again but you realise most of your conversations and funny stories are about your kids.

You also feel a slight sense of loss at the person you were and the times you had.

They still need you as a friend, parenting is challenging but their lives and stress over what to wear to whatsherface birthday are important too. Meet ups are shorter, sometimes halted by messages from your other half saying your child has Lego Batman’s face stuck up their nose. Travelling anywhere with kids makes you dizzy with anxiety and is a strategic mission. If you forget baby wipes the world will literally end.

Sometimes you just can’t face it.

Friends with children #Mummyfriends

Your friends that have kids dipped in and out of your life before you had a child. For presents you naively sent them beautifully packaged baby grows (in white) and caught up over email. They always seemed busy. When you became a parent and they become your lifeline, your font of knowledge. You can call each other in the night and cry.  A surprising amount of conversations about poo will happen. You become closer, they offer sanity and solace.  Having a new baby can be an isolating experience.

I found myself seeking new parent friendships, mummy mates, where you are united by the undeniable bond of parenthood and the ensuing chaos. They become your warrior friends.


Pre child I loved my family but now I appreciate how much, and how much they are there for me.

When I could not, they brought me a cot and a carrier, baby toys and clothes.

My heart throbs when my Nan sends a letter in the post to little boy with a ten pound note and a little message about his week at school. When she visits and spoils him but I have given up arguing as I am so glad he has a great Nanna.

Time is precious.

Family collage

When I am frantically trying to arrange holiday clubs and childcare for half terms and without asking my mum will call me back a couple of days later. After concocting a plan with my aunt and nan and booked the time off work. I end the phone call with tears in my eyes.

I am so grateful for them, and should say so more often. I love them for their unconditional love of my son. Before I had Leo I did not realise the distance of a four hour journey home. Now I feel it with each mile.


Do you remember date night?

No that’s because you had a child. Relationships pre child are filled with weekend lie in’s, meals out, finishing a bottle of wine or three at night. Jazz. You make an effort. Put on a nice dress, have spontaneous Saturday adventures and hotel stays. My own relationship broke down after my son’s birth. It can be practically and emotionally testing for both mum and dad bringing a little person into the world. It can likewise strengthen the bonds of love between you, you need patience.

Tiredness = tensions, be kind to each other new roles take time to adjust too. My partner and I started dating when my little boy was wee it made things more complicated. There is not much romance between superhero’s and sick but we rock it.

 You also have an amazing, testing relationship with a brand new person to form…enjoy and embrace it!


Regular blogger post originally written for @meetothermums


Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday


  1. June 5, 2016 / 10:28 am

    All relationships change after children. Losing friends that don’t understand can be a good thing. Some them don’t have kids and still understand. My biggest problem is finding time to spend with my partner. We try for a date night once a month. But its hard. Specially when he works backshift. so he doesn’t get in till 11ish at which point I’m sleeping haha. But its all about working through it 🙂 Everything works out for the best though!!
    Great post 🙂

    • June 6, 2016 / 8:40 am

      Definatley with my partner it is hard, especially when we both work so at the weekends just want to stare into space but then you have a little person to keep entertained and we do not have any family near night is kind of like hey its Friday lets get a take-out…who says romance is dead lol xx

      • June 7, 2016 / 2:14 pm

        We’re the same re not having family nearby so have very few nights out together. At weekends, my husbanc always says ‘what shall we do tonight?’ Oh, the same as we do everynight – stare at our phones until we fall asleep into a glass of wine!

  2. June 5, 2016 / 12:27 pm

    oh lovely post I especially agree what you say about family. Before you have children you love them but then afterwards your love really goes up a notch and you realise just how important they are! Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday

    • June 6, 2016 / 8:41 am

      Fab co hosting my lovely, thank you for a lovely comment. I only wish my family were closer! xx

  3. thesingleswan
    June 5, 2016 / 12:54 pm

    What a great post. So very true. My relationship also broke down shortly after I had Cygnet. I don’t blame parenthood, but parenthood highlighted the fundamental flaws in our relationship that were already there and could not be papered over. I am so glad that you have now met someone new and it is going well. It gives me hope. Loads of love. Pen x #KCACOLS

    • June 6, 2016 / 8:42 am

      There is lots of hope, its nice in a new relationship but I also loved the time just Leo and I, it is hard being a single parent but I don’t think I acknowledged how amazing those very tired days of just little boy and I was. xxx

  4. min1980
    June 5, 2016 / 3:57 pm

    I agree with Island Living above about family. I always moan about mine on my blog but actually, they have been incredible. I definitely appreciate them a lot more now. The partner one doesn’t really apply to me, and friends is a funny one-a lot of my friends already had kids or had them around the same time, and even the ones who haven’t got kids aren’t out clubbing until 5am anymore-one of the benefits of having kids in your 30s is that everyone seems to be at the same life stage. However, I moved house just under a year ago, and have made zero friends, so although my friends get what it’s like having kids, they are all hundreds of miles away, so it’s not terribly helpful! #KCACOLS #tribe

    • June 6, 2016 / 8:45 am

      I moved about 8 months ago and empathise completely, I have made very few new friends in my area thanks to work and child life. Have made a couple from Leo’s school but its different from when you have babies, think that is why I love the online community so much, its lovely being able to chatter about your worries or being tired or just nice things about your day xx

  5. June 5, 2016 / 6:28 pm

    For me I really realised how SHIT it is having kids sometimes and just how much they must have loved you to put up with said SHIT. hahah! Sorry vino hahah. #KCACOLS

  6. June 5, 2016 / 7:01 pm

    Ahh lovely lovely – so many changes….that change over time as well. The newborn and baby changes to relationships feel different to where we are now with relationships. I have so enjoyed by family’s love for my son, and the fact that I was able to bring a new person into the family who was immediately family. Make sense!? The friends is an interesting one as well – so many changes there. For better and for worse actually. XX #triballove

    • June 6, 2016 / 8:47 am

      Beautiful comment honey, I get what you mean bringing a new person into the family, lovely perspective. They are still changing I think as my little man grows xx

  7. June 6, 2016 / 7:56 am

    This is very accurate and made me feel quite sentimental. All my relationships have changed in the last 18 months, some are stronger others are sadly lost and some are new. It hasn’t been an easy transition all the time but totally worth it for the wonderful little man I now have.

    • June 6, 2016 / 8:47 am

      I hear you, it is sometimes hard to look on what you have lost but what has been gained and the strength of those is amazing and keeps me smiling xx

  8. June 6, 2016 / 10:16 am

    This is very relevant to me right now. After two kids and not a lot of time spent together things definitely shift in important relationships. It means making a conscious effort to address it #KCACOLS

    • June 7, 2016 / 8:05 am

      I cant imagine juggling two with everything else, I can just about manage one and a houseplant! There is def a lot more trying in relationships after children!x

  9. June 6, 2016 / 5:01 pm

    I have found that when my kids changed schools (infants to juniors) the mum friends that I had changed too. We still, even with older kids rarely have time for a date night x

  10. June 6, 2016 / 8:08 pm

    I love this. I wasn’t sure how B and I would fare as a couple after having a baby as we were always a going out for dinner and drinks kind of pair but buying a house last year and having TM has given both of us an appreciation for staying in, chilling out, just being together. I think being in our own house made a huge difference rather than living above the pub. Anyway I also love my family being able to get to know my son and fussing over him and we now all go and see B’s nan every Wednesday afternoon which is lovely. Friends wise I’ve been surprised by some who are so far off having kids but have loved spending time with us and I love hearing about holidays abroad and nights out clubbing! I’ve reconnected with old friends who also have kids now. There are others who don’t seem to have the time for me now… Anyway I am waffling on!!! Gorgeous post as always. #triballove

    • June 7, 2016 / 8:08 am

      I love your waffling, you take such time and love with your comments its like a digital cuddle! We are venturing in the house buying phase now..agh…I want a room just for boots and chocolate…x

  11. June 7, 2016 / 2:16 pm

    So much changes when you have kids – some relationships become stronger, others dont make it. I was the first of a small group of friends to have kids, and when i was due my second they were having their first. I thought we would see more of each other ,but we actually see less ! #kcacols

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