20 House Rules For Families. Honest Ones That CAN’T Go On The Fridge #Honesthouserules #Realfamilies

I sat with my cuppa the other evening trying to draft a couple of new ‘house rules’ for the Jungle homestead.

They help to manage to chaos and I feel powerful with a biro in my hand.

We used to have a list on the fridge to back up what we were saying to our little boy when he was going through his bloody awful 4’s. I could have used a descriptive that also rhymes with F for four but I didn’t. Because this is a family blog. ‘No biting’ was one of them. Little nipper. Thankfully he is past that and the ‘unkind hands’ phase. We blame over exposure to Ninja turtles.

The new improved rules are things like, if you want something screaming ‘MUMMY’ in an inaudible pitch. REPEATEDLY. Is not a polite way to ask for a sandwich.

Halfway through this very sensible task I got thinking about the real type of rules families with kids need. Here is a list of what the Jungle family need…would yours be the same?

Jungle House Rules…

Farting at the table is NOT ok. Nor is throwing food, spitting it out, or trying to impale your playdate with a fork after stealing a chip.

Two potatoes with eyes and mouths drawn on. One potato is lying down with a fork stuck in him and ketchup coming out.

Believe in Santa, the Tooth fairy and the Easter bunny (or you don’t get presents).

Mummy will not be buying you anything you see on TV adverts. It is all crap. Nor will I buy you magazines that shops sneakily put by the tills. You do not need a 2cm Peppa pig that will break in 10 minutes and three Haribo’s with a magazine you cannot yet read.

Selfies are limited to three a day.

Be grateful. Teach the child what grateful means. Hug each other as much as you can.

Don’t drink the bathwater.

Crisps are not a breakfast cereal do not ask for them at 7 am.

Mummy spends a lot of time cleaning the bathroom. Do not poo on the floor, side of the toilet or wee up the wall.

Despicable Me can only be watched a maximum of twice a day.

Close up photo of a little minion toy wearing a hula skirt

Shouting MINE does not constitute ownership.

Pick your battles, nose picking is not the worst thing that can happen today.

Say sorry. Children and adults. We can both be wrong.

If the adults buy expensive china, it is half their fault when the kids break it.

‘The unicorn did it’ is not an appropriate response to what happened? Though we admire your creativity.

Picture of a lego gigureen wearing a unicorn helmet

Wine IS ALWAYS acceptable before 6pm. For adults exclusively. The kid didn’t earn it. We also don’t let him have anything fizzy. Things will end badly with Coca cola.

Parents SEE ALL. Don’t try and lie, you are terrible at it.

Brush your teeth don’t just eat the toothpaste.

BUT MUUUUMY…or OIIIIII MUUUUUM is not an appropriate address for the woman who gave you life. Similarly, Monster child and Little horror are not appropriate names for your firstborn.

If we don’t know something we will Google it.

Before parenthood I did not know that there would need to be a rule, do not lick the neighbour’s cat. I was wrong.

Close up photo of a ginger cat's face with one eye closed so it looks like he is winking.


If you enjoyed our ramblings make sure you are following us on Facebook and YouTube for more glorious parenting mumblage!

FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/TheParentingJungle/ YOUTUBE https://goo.gl/XPyzDu

Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday


  1. August 9, 2016 / 9:45 am

    This is a pretty awesome list! Ours would include

    Don’t lick the Windows

    Stop swinging o the door handles and bunk bed

    The stairs are not a suitable place to play trains

    There are volumes between tiny quiet whisper and crazy banshee screaming please try and use them

    Keep your limbs to yourself

    STOP flooding the bathroom

    Just to name a few 😂

    • Jade
      August 11, 2016 / 11:56 am

      Crying with laughter at this! I love don’t lick the windows…why do they do that?!!?!xxx

  2. August 9, 2016 / 3:42 pm

    Loved this Jade! Have the same rule about magazines but daddy doesn’t stick to it. Bloody daddy. #chucklemums

  3. August 9, 2016 / 9:51 pm

    lol love this post, we need some serious rules setting in this house!

  4. August 10, 2016 / 3:20 am

    On point with these rules!

  5. August 10, 2016 / 9:45 pm

    I have the same issues with toothpaste! Don’t just swallow it all and then spend 1 minute 59 seconds chewing water off the toothbrush head. Alright, do, and have shit teeth – see if I care (I totally care). Fab post Jade! Thanks for linking with #Chucklemums, hope to see you next week 🙂 xx
    Mouse, Moo and Me Too recently posted…#29: Simple Steps To…Leaving the HouseMy Profile

  6. August 11, 2016 / 8:16 pm

    Mine would definitely involve “Do not play with your willy at the table”…
    And “Do not insert things into your willy”…
    There would be a common theme.
    Thanks for joining #chucklemums x

  7. August 14, 2016 / 5:46 pm

    Ha ha – I’ve not come across the licking the neighbours cat one yet, but all the rest are pretty on point. But, whats wrong with drinking the bath water!? It’s good for their immune system. No MMR needed #KCACOLS
    alex recently posted…I’ve Received A Liebster Award! My Profile

    • Jade
      August 16, 2016 / 6:07 am

      Haha I love that comment…no MMR needed….usually the bathwater is a terrifying colour thanks to him pouring half the bottle of bubble bath into it…xx

    • Jade
      August 16, 2016 / 6:04 am

      I saw it and was hysterical..potato murder lol…Potato’s are pretty much the only food my son will eat. They get more difficult the more opinions they get!xx

  8. August 17, 2016 / 6:13 am

    I particularly like the last one, about licking the cat! We’d have to also add don’t eat and drink from the cat bowls, you are not a cat! #KCACOLS

  9. August 17, 2016 / 6:13 am

    I particularly like the last one, about licking the cat! We’d have to also add don’t eat and drink from the cat bowls, you are not a cat! #KCACOLS

    • Jade
      August 18, 2016 / 3:30 pm

      I’m all for a bit of immune system building but eugh lol they are funny xxx

  10. August 17, 2016 / 5:17 pm

    Love this! We have a few like this. We will only watch Finding Nemo twice a day. Biting your sister because you think it’s funny is not cool. S teaming mummy at the top of your lungs will not make her come quicker. Kids 😂 #KCACOLS

    • Jade
      August 18, 2016 / 2:47 pm

      Oh od I hate the ‘MUUUUUMYYYY’ I just gently say back mummy would prefer you come and say it to me and say excuse me if I am doing something…instead I get EXCCCCUSE ME MUMMMY NOW…screamed five minutes later…

  11. August 19, 2016 / 2:49 pm

    This is so funny I almost woke my son laughing at it. Obviously ‘no laughing during naptime’ needs to be a rule! #kcacols

  12. August 20, 2016 / 9:15 am

    So funny! Sounds similar to our house. Why do kids drink bath water?! Our four year old loves a selfie. If I accidentally leave my phone unattended I need to delete about 100 photos! #kcacols

    • Jade
      August 25, 2016 / 5:38 pm

      Haha kid selfies are the best..half a face..or the carpet..or their mouths!x

  13. September 27, 2016 / 9:31 am

    LOLOLOLOL this is the best list!

    Don’t drink the bathwater, for the little one And the one about the selfies for the older one, are daily battles 🙂

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge